


Asavadja

by needleyecandy



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:58:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3097385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has his dream job as a roadie for his favorite band. The only problem is he's the bass tech for Loki, who is at once the most gorgeous and the most unlikeable man Thor has ever met.</p>
<p>Of course, it may be just as well. If Loki were nicer, Thor might start to hope for things that could never be, not with what he's hiding...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asavadja

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prettypearlnecklace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettypearlnecklace/gifts).



> Well, doesn't this feel awkward to post a couple hours after SapSorrow put up the beginning of her infinitely more detailed and planned story. Anyway, here's more Goth Loki and porn for Prettypearlnecklace's birthday. Please enjoy while I go hide under a rock.
> 
> The end note has an explanation of the 'body image issues' tag, for those who need to see if there may be triggering content.

Thor felt his heart begin to race as the lights dropped and the crowd started to scream. Even though he'd been standing in this same spot for three months now, at stage after stage, with barely ever a night off, the thrill hadn't even begun to give way. He could just hear the hiss of the fog machine over the roar of the audience as it filled the stage, before three figures slipped past him through the darkness. Here it came, now, _one, two_ , and the first chords of Hogun's guitar were shrieking through the dark, and then the stage lights burst into savage violet as Sif's sticks crashed down. The bass crept in more smoothly, a low, driving force that perfectly matched its creator. His gaze rested on Loki, silhouetted against the glowing fog.

Loki. Loki, who made this job at once a dream come true and an unending torment. He was the biggest asshole Thor had ever met, hands down. He also had the greenest eyes Thor had ever seen, their color enhanced by the dark eyeliner that always circled them, and a striking, pale face framed by long black hair that always started the night poker-straight and ended it curled from sweat. His lips were on the thin side, but they were expressive and sensual and Thor thought they were perfect. And his _body_. He was nearly as tall as Thor, but slender, and his long lean muscles were perfectly displayed by his various outfits that clung to him like his own skin when he was out there performing.

Tonight's was particularly appealing; his shirt was largely fishnet with various straps and D-rings all over it, showing off a smoothly toned stomach and biceps, with a few small strips of black vinyl that served only to enhance how _little_ covered he was everywhere else. His pants were also black vinyl, tight and shining and molded to delicious thighs and luscious ass and... best not to think too much on that, Thor decided, not if he wanted to be ready to run out into the dark between songs and help Loki quickly change instruments.

Thor did have the occasional fleeting pang of envy for the people in the audience, free to do nothing but watch enraptured, or dance away the cares of life. The upturned faces at the front of the stage reminded him, vaguely, of people receiving communion. Well, he supposed it was, of a sort. Despite his envy, though, and despite the fact that he really disliked the person he worked for, he did love being a roadie, doing his part to make the magic come alive for hundreds of people every night. It didn't matter that he wasn't performing, it didn't matter that he was replaceable; he was an integral part of the production, and he was happy.

Loki didn't have as many changes as Hogun, so Thor got to stand idly while Volstagg darted out from the opposite wing to trade guitars. After the fourth song, though, it was his turn to go do a switch. Loki liked to wear his strap on the loose side, but it still pulled his shirt up as he lifted it over his head. Thor's eyes took in the bared skin (silly, to be so taken by the sight, when it was only covered by fishnet, before, but he couldn't help it) as he took the instrument Loki offered with his left hand and held out the new one in his right.

Thor waited until Loki had it settled properly before stepping away to set the other on its stand. He glanced back to see that the shirt was still out of place. Thor gave it a quick tug to smooth it and was met with a castoff smile. _Fine. Just trying to help_ , he thought. Thor had seen him do an interview once, and it was fascinating; Loki seemed to snap into a false persona the moment the journalist walked into the room, someone lively and friendly and flirtatious, only to see it drop completely the moment the door closed behind her when she left.

When he was first getting to know them, it had seemed strange that Hogun was the singer, a man who scarcely said ten words all day, while Loki with his quicksilver tongue hung back, unwilling to provide even backing vocals. With time, though, he came to see how much Loki put of himself into his music. All the best parts of himself dove into his strings and out through his pickup. Yes, the bass suited him well. By the end of his first month with them, Thor couldn’t imagine Loki doing anything else. Or rather, there were countless other things he could imagine Loki doing, but they involved nudity and Thor and burning lips and selfish, selfless bodies and that would never, ever happen.

The concert went perfectly that night; all three of them were _right_ on it, making every note rich with energy and intention. The audience matched it with their own excitement, and more than once they had to restart a song because the cheering for the first few notes was so loud. Thor followed them back to the green room after the second encore, assuming that the house lights were just slow to come up tonight. The looks on their faces, though, said differently. Hogun was in the corner, tossing back cup after cup of water from the cooler, while Sif stretched her arms to coax the tired muscles into continuing their work. Only Loki was still, sitting on the edge of a chair and watching them silently.

"You're doing another one?" Thor asked.

Loki nodded. "As soon as he's done refilling, we have to pick what we want to play," he said with a jerk of his head towards Hogun.  
  
It was riveting, simply to stand there guarding the door as the three sat with their heads together, talking excitedly. He followed them back out to the stage, and couldn't help sharing the audience's excitement when the drums kicked in, slow and rhythmic. It was _Asavadja_ , a track from their first demo and the one that gave the band its name. It was publicly available only as a staticky file passed around from friend to friend. Thor's copy was a download from YouTube, snagged just before the record company got it taken down.

They only played one song for that last encore, but from the cheering that followed the band back to the green room, the audience was more than happy. Thor and Volstagg started their careful work as the house lights came up, unplugging all the instruments and setting them back in their cases. The rest of the crew were busy disassembling the drum set and taking down the remaining equipment.

Thor finished, as he always did, just as the band were emerging from the showers, smelling bright and clean. It had been a shock, at first, to see them in street clothes, after being so accustomed to their videos and publicity photos where they were always done up to glamorous perfection. Of course, Loki still was, to an extent – he liked to reapply his eyeliner after the shower, before anyone saw him. Thor had asked Volstagg, a few nights into the tour, if Loki ever went bare-faced, and it got him a shake of the head and a cheerful _nope_.

One of his less appealing duties (all right, horrible, but after all he had been asked about it in the interview, and he had agreed that as long as all parties were consenting, he figured it was their business) was bringing Loki a few fans each night. Loki would sometimes tell Thor who to bring, if he could see them through the lights, and if they showed up at the stage door; other times Thor was responsible for picking from the crowd that always gathered there. He quickly grew able to distinguish the ones who wanted an autograph or a handshake from the ones who were there for _more_ , and _more_ was what they no doubt got when he led them through the back entrance of the hotel and up the service elevator to Loki's room.

Sometimes there were too many with that look for him to take them; sometimes they made a play for Thor, once they realized they wouldn't be spending the night with Loki. He always turned them down. He was polite about it, at least. That had to count for something.

“Any picks for tonight?” Thor asked Loki as he pulled his shoes on.

Loki thought a moment. “I couldn’t see through the stage lights very well, but I saw some purple hair I liked. I’ll take that one, if they come to the door.”

“Just the one?”

“No, let’s say… two more. Find some that color coordinate with each other.”

The guy with the purple hair did, in fact, show up with the rest of the fans who started screaming when they saw the door open. And he did, in fact, have _that_ look. He was immaculately dressed and his hair, even after dancing through the whole show, had not a single strand out of place, and Thor – in his old jeans and worn tee shirt, good working clothes – hated him instantly. But that was what Loki had picked, so Thor touched his arm and quietly suggested that he might want to wait a bit, and he agreed. Thor didn’t put much bother into the others – yellow complemented purple, so he picked the first eager-looking blonds he saw, and took them indoors, through the backstage and out the other door.

The hotel was only two blocks away, but the band always took the bus to get there before the rush of fans who followed them. Thor walked silently, leading the others through the grimy streets. He took them down an alley, stinking with restaurant refuse, and into the hotel’s service entrance. They shuffled nervously behind him as Thor knocked on Loki’s door.

“Hello, everyone, do come in,” Loki said, holding it wide for them to file through. “Thank you, Thor,” he tossed over his shoulder.  
  
“You’re welcome,” Thor said to the dark wood.

*****

It was an easy pattern to fall into, life on tour. Get up and get on the bus, set up the equipment, do a soundcheck, final check with Loki, dinner, show, groupies, bed.

Until one night, something different happened.

Thor was stretched out on his side, vaguely staring at Loki's phone on his nightstand. That was one of his other duties, keeping an eye on Loki's phone while he was off doing... things. At least it didn't ring at night. Not that it would have had much impact on Thor's sleep, not when he was alone in bed, thinking about Loki, naked and _not_ alone in his. It was programmed to only ring if Loki got a call from a certain number.

And then it rang. Thor sat bolt upright, scrambling for the phone from his half-dreaming state. "Hello?" he mumbled.

"Loki?" said a frantic voice.

"No- no, I'm sorry. This is Thor. I'm his roadie," he said, waking up.

"Is Loki there?"

"He's- um, I'll go get him," Thor said as he rose and grabbed his sweatpants.

"Just ask him to call mom, would you?"

"I will. I'll go get him right now."

"Okay, thank you," she said before hanging up.

Thor pulled on his pants and an old shirt before looking at the door and stopping suddenly. Loki was in his room, with two women, and Thor was going to go barge in there. _Shit_. He really hoped he wouldn't get fired. This was the number he had been specifically told to answer, but that didn't always stop people from shooting the messenger. He picked up the phone where he had left it sitting and with a deep breath, walked down the hall.

There wasn't any noise coming from Loki's room. None that he could hear, at least. He raised his hand and knocked hesitantly. He waited what felt like forever before knocking again. The faint spot of light in the peephole darkened and then Loki was standing there, frowning. He was wearing the worn black jeans that he favored after showering away the sweat that always covered him by the end of a show, but he was barefoot and shirtless. His lean torso was finely muscled, so much narrower than Thor’s but beautifully sculpted. His skin was smooth and perfect and Thor knew it would be delicious and _God_ , it was annoying of him to be that hot.

"Yes?" Loki prompted, and Thor realized he was staring.

"Your mom wants you to call her," Thor said, holding out the phone like a barricade between them. Like it could stop him from seeing what was right in front of his face.

Lust gave way to worry, though, when Loki paled and snatched the phone from his hand. Thor watched as he turned away and put the phone to his ear as he walked back into the room, his legs going out from under him just as he reached the loveseat. He was sitting there, collapsed over, one hand holding the phone and the other hugging himself. He was nodding and talking as Thor followed him in. "...I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? Text me when you have an address and I'll get a cab there from the airport."

He hung up and started for the bedroom. "Thor, can you see these ladies out?" he asked as he turned.

Thor hadn't even noticed the two women until that moment. Each one was sitting, fully dressed, with their backs poker-straight, and, was that... yes, they had pancakes on their heads.

"Can I help you with those?" Thor asked awkwardly.

"No, it's okay," said the taller one, the one with the lip ring, as she reached up and lifted it off. Her friend mirrored her, and they stood, their hair looking somewhat sticky.

"Do you need cab fare or something?" he asked then, somehow growing even more awkward.

The shorter one shook her head. "I'm parked a couple blocks away." She turned to her friend. "We're going to have to make up a good story. No one will ever believe this."

Her friend nodded and they let themselves out, leaving Thor alone in the sitting room. Loki was quickly back, though, a stuffed bag slung over his shoulder.

"Thor, can you wake Fandral and have him buy me a ticket home? Tell him to have it waiting for me when I get to the airport."

"But- the tour-" Thor stammered.

Loki paused and looked at him. "This is the chance every roadie dreams of. You'll be great. Now get some sleep, you'll need to go clothes shopping before tomorrow's show."

" _What_? I can't- I mean-"

"Thor. I've heard you play. You're good. And either you stand in for me or the rest of the tour gets canceled." He nodded thoughtfully. "You'll be great."  
  
And then he was gone, the door swinging slowly shut behind him.

Thor blinked at the door a moment before trudging down the hall to wake Fandral.

"I'm pretty sure I'm asleep, and this is all a horrible nightmare," he said when the door opened. "But here's what just happened."

He sat in the desk chair in Fandral's room, staring at the wall, while arrangements were made - Loki's ticket, first, then a call to Loki that went unanswered. Fandral was flipping maniacally through a stack of folders when his phone rang.

"Loki, what the hell-" he started. Thor watched with worried eyes as Fandral's face shifted from anger to worry. "Yeah, I understand. I would have left, too... that's fine, we have a short drive today, there'll be plenty of time to get some outfits for Thor, and he already knows everything... we'll just get another crew member to help him with his instrument changes. It'll be fine, you just be with your family."

Fandral sighed as he hung up the phone and turned to Thor. "This is a dream, right? It's not really happening?" Thor asked.  
  
"Sorry. I know it's a lot at once, but this _is_ part of your contract, to step in for Loki if it's needed. And his dad was in an accident at work, they don't know if he's going to make it. He may not even last til Loki gets there."

"Oh." Thor instantly felt like an asshole.

"Yeah." Fandral sighed. "Look, we both better try to get some sleep. We have to be on the bus in six hours, and we'll get to the next gig by three. Volstagg can do your soundcheck while you and I hit the clothes stores."

Thor went back to bed, numb, but he did not fall asleep until it was nearly dawn.

*****

Shopping for clothes was a horrible experience. At least Fandral waited in the front of the store, catching up with work on his phone, while the clerk - who heard the name _Asavadja_ and closed the store to give Thor his full attention - filled his arms with things he couldn't possibly wear. The man refused to listen to Thor's protests, until his frustration built to the point he pulled his shirt up. "There," he hissed. " _That's_ why I can't wear these things. Cutouts, fishnet... I _can't_ wear it."

The clerk paled and nodded. "Why don't you start trying on the pants. I'll be back with some other shirts."

In a fit of self-loathing, Thor undressed down to his boxers to stare at himself in the mirror. Most of the scars had lightened into livid gashes across his torso, but the worst ones, the raised, ropey ones, were _still_ pink. Twenty-four years, he thought. Twenty-four years and this was as far as they'd healed. This was as close to normal as he was ever going to look.

He was a fool to think, even for a second, that someone like Loki would look at him twice. Loki, who could and _did_ get anyone he wanted, anywhere he went. He could never consider someone so disfigured. He might love movies about monsters, but that didn't mean he'd want to go to bed with one.  
  
*****

They got back to the venue just in time to run through the final soundcheck, Thor toting a bag with a few pairs of pants - all black, mainly leather, and some shirts - black again, mostly, one silver top for variety, one with bright blue along the seams for contrast.

"You ready for this?" Volstagg grinned as Thor played a few chords on each instrument.

Thor laughed hollowly. "Not at all. I have visions of myself throwing up on my amp and shorting out everything."

"I'll talk to Josie, tell her to give the fog machine a few extra puffs your way. Maybe it'll be better if you can't see the audience."  
  
"Can't hurt," Thor agreed.

They gathered in the green room for dinner. Thor sat, staring blankly at his plate.

"You have to at least drink some water," Sif told him. She shoved a cup in his hand and he drank it, then sat holding it until she took it away.  
  
"You're going to be fine. Really," Fandral said. "There's a reason Loki picked you out of everyone who applied."

"I don't know what he was thinking," Thor mumbled.

Getting into his outfit was a blur. Walking out to the wings was a blur. The fog sweeping across the stage was a blur. And then the lights dropped and he stepped into Loki's place following Sif onto the stage and picked up the first bass. The guitar made its first screams and just as the drums crashed Thor was about to tell them that this was all a terrible mistake but there wasn't time to say it because his hand was coming down to his first chord...

and everything fell into place. He _did_ know these songs. He could play them in his sleep. He could probably put the bass behind his back and play them. He still didn't look out at the audience for more than the briefest glimpse - he wasn't stupid - but the whole show went perfectly. The pauses between songs were a little longer, with Volstagg having to help both Hogun and Thor, but the audience filled them with cheers and screams.  
  
In the middle of the encore a bra hit Thor in the head. Someone in the audience actually threw her bra at him.  
  
He'd arrived.

The next six shows went about the same. Thor had hoped that after he got comfortable on stage the first night, he wouldn't be so nervous about going back out, but it didn't help at all.

"It took me four years," Sif said, taking a huge bite of pizza.

"I'm still working on it," Hogun added, staring blankly at a carrot.

*****

Fandral sat everyone down with a sigh. "I just talked to Loki," he said. "His father's condition is stable, but it doesn't seem to be improving. It's mainly the head injury that's worrying them. They've had a hard time getting his doctors to talk to them, and they tried to get him transferred to the Oliva Clinic, but none of the specialists there are taking new patients." Thor's attention caught at that, but then Sif was speaking.  
  
"Is he going to be back for the end of the tour?" she asked. "Not that you aren't doing a great job, Thor," she added quickly, "it's just that we've been so close for so long, it feels strange to see someone else standing there when I look over."

He smiled. "No offense taken," he answered. After nearly a decade, it would have been stranger if she didn't miss having Loki there. She - and Hogun - actually seemed to like Loki. Thor still wasn't quite sure why, but they did.

"I don't know. It doesn't look like it right now," Fandral said.

They thanked him and the others wandered off to their rooms to get a little sleep before the show prep started. Thor lingered, and Fandral looked at him questioningly when they were alone.

"Did Loki happen to say what hospital his dad is in?" Thor asked.

"Oh, I forgot you're from around there. Hmm. Up- something, maybe? High-?"

"Highland?" Thor asked, dreading the answer.

"Yeah, that sounds right."

Thor sighed. "Thanks." The same hospital that had dangerously mistreated him when he was younger.

Back in his room, he sank heavily back onto his bed and hit a preset on his phone.

"Oliva Clinic, Department of Neurotrauma," said the voice.

"Hi, could I speak to Astrid Odinsdotter? This is her brother."

He had to wait through almost ten minutes of staticky hold music before she came on. "Thor? Are you okay?" she asked, her voice worried.

"I am. I'm calling about a friend's dad," he reassured her, hoping she didn't hear the slight hesitation before he said _friend_. "He was in a car accident, and his family tried to get him into your department, but they said no one is taking more patients right now."

"That sounds right. We've been really swamped, and just now catching up and getting a breather after a few releases. What hospital is he in?"  
  
"Highland," Thor said grimly.

She swore. "Do you have a pen handy?"

"Hang on," he said, going to the small desk in the corner. "Okay, go ahead."

"Tell your friend to call 888-555-1212, extension 6548. That's my assistant, Joseph. What's the dad's name?"

"Laufey. I don't know his last name."

"That's ok. I'll tell Joseph and he'll arrange the transfer."

Thor felt the strain ease out of him. "Thanks, Astrid. You're the best."

"That's what they tell me every time I save a brain," she said cheerfully.

Thor and Loki had each other's numbers, just in case, though neither of them of ever used them before. He took a deep breath and called. It went to voicemail, but halfway through leaving his message, his phone beeped, showing that Loki was calling him back.

"Hi, Thor, what's up?" he asked. He sounded tired,so painfully weary that despite his dislike, Thor felt an impulse to wrap his arms around him and make everything okay. Well. He couldn't do the first, but there was a chance his sister could do the second.

"Fandral just told us that you couldn't get your dad into Oliva."

"Yeah."

"My sister is a neurotrauma specialist there, and she said she'll take him." There was a long pause. "Loki?" he asked.

"I'm here. I just..." he blew a loud exhale. "You're not fucking with me, are you? You're serious?"

"No, I'm not fucking with you. I have her assistant's number, you're supposed to call him and he'll take care of everything."

*****

Four days after Laufey was transferred, Fandral gathered everyone again.

“I talked to Loki again today,” he said. “His dad is getting a lot better, really fast. He said he’ll be ready to rejoin the tour in another couple of weeks.”  
“That’s great news,” Sif said.

“Yeah. He sounded a ton better than the last time I talked to him. But it means we need to decide, do we keep the tour going with Thor, and have Loki come back when he’s ready, or do we postpone the rest of the dates?”

“I think you should postpone them,” Thor said quickly. As welcoming as Hogun and Sif had been, he knew they wanted Loki back, and he didn’t want to put them in the position of having to say they wanted him out.

Sif smiled at him gratefully. “I do miss playing with him,” she admitted.

“Hogun?” Fandral asked.

“I agree. Thank you, Thor,” he said quietly.

Thor smiled back. “I think it’s for the best.”

“Okay, then. I’ll start calling the venues and issuing the postponements. We’ll probably have to do a few refunds, but I doubt it’ll be too bad. And people can hardly say we don’t have a good reason.”

They played two more nights, so that the audience would get more than last-minute notice, and then they had twelve free days. It was nice to get a break, Thor thought, as he sat in the airport. Twelve days was a good length of tie to fly home and see his family. His mom had even jokingly said he could use his old bedroom that she had converted into a quiet study for her research.

Astrid's apartment was near the hospital, convenient for when she had to work long or strange hours, but the drive to the family house wasn't bad. Which was what found her flopping onto the sofa next to Thor as they waited for dinner his first night home.

"Your friend is hot," she said.

Thor shrugged. "Yeah." It was true, about the hotness if not the friendship.

"Are you going to hit that, or what? I would, but it's unethical while his father is under my care, and _someone_ in this family has to step up."

Thor shook his head. "No, I'm not going to hit that." As if Loki would ever consider it. "I do like looking, though."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "The last guy I said that about, a week later we were fucking six times a day. At least."

"Tell me again, how do you have time to be a doctor?" he asked.

She grinned and took a swig of her beer. "Same way I got through med school. Excellent time management."

*****

It was his third day back that Loki called him.

“Hi, Thor. I heard you were back in town,” he said.

“Hi,” Thor said, surprised. “Yeah, I am. How’s your dad?”

“He’s doing a lot better. Your sister is a great doctor.”

“Don’t tell her, it’ll go straight to her head.”

Loki laughed. “She deserves it. Listen, I realized that I never thanked you, not properly.”

“That’s okay, Loki, you were-"

“No, I want to. Are you free tonight? There’s one of those rotating restaurants on the top floor of my hotel, it’s supposed to have a good view.”

“Yeah, I am free,” Thor said, blinking in confusion. “What time?”

“Is eight okay?”

“Eight's fine. How dressy is it?”

“Kinda dressy. Not super-fancy though.”

Thor mentally rifled through his closet. “Okay.”

“Great, I’ll text you the address.”

“Cool, see you then.”

Thor sat, staring at the phone in his hand like he couldn't quite believe it was real. It wasn't a date - obviously, Loki just wanted to show his appreciation - but still. Loki'd been _nice_. And they were going to dinner.

*****

Thor stood by the window next to the elevators, looking down at the city below. He was focused enough on trying to pick out familiar landmarks from the unusual angle that he didn't notice the ding of the bell.

"Hi, Thor," Loki said behind him.

He turned. "Hi, Loki! I'm really glad your dad's starting to improve." He'd never seen Loki barefaced before. Without the eyeliner, he looked softer. Younger, more vulnerable. Thor wondered if that was why he had started wearing it.

Loki joined him to look out the window as he spoke. "Thanks. It's great having him here. I can't tell you what it means to our family."  
  
"I'm just glad I could help. Highland has its share of horror stories."

"Yeah." Loki heaved a sigh. "Well, shall we?"

Their table was waiting for them, right next to the window. The view was lovely, watching the sky blaze purple before fading into darkness, and the lights of the city twinkling to life. And Loki... he was still being nice. Thor couldn't help being a little tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Loki actually seemed _shy_ , instead of unpleasant. He was mostly talking to the window or his plate rather than to Thor, yes, but he was being genuinely likeable.  
  
Thor pointed out various places - his high school, the distinctive office building where his mom worked, his friend's metalworking shop. Loki was able to pick out the hospital. They both grew more relaxed as the evening wore on, until Loki was talking to Thor nearly as much as he was to the glass, and the maddening butterflies in Thor's stomach began to call it a night. They swapped stories, discovering that they'd both taken long road trips the summer they were eighteen, that they shared a love of imperious cats, that Loki read German but didn't speak it, that Thor's skill level with French was similar.

Loki was reading the dessert list carefully when Thor saw the fireworks. "Look!" he said, pointing.

Loki twisted around. "Is it a holiday?" he asked, his brow twisted.

"No, must just be someone having fun," Thor said.

"Fuck, I can't even remember what day it is," Loki sighed.

"You've got more important things to think about, right now."

"Yeah. The worry is over, at least. That's so nice. And I do kind of like your city. I've never been here before, except driving through."  
  
"It's not bad," Thor agreed. "I can suggest some more restaurants and stuff if you'd like."

“That's nice of you, but honestly, I’m just getting so tired of eating out all the time. I wish I’d gotten one of those short-term apartment things, so I could have a kitchen. Even a little one, just for things like getting to pick what bread I have for my grilled cheese,” Loki admitted.

“Come over to my place tomorrow,” Thor urged, wondering where the words had come from, even as he said them.

Loki paused before answering. “I hate to intrude, I know you haven’t seen your family in a long time,” he said hesitantly.

“It’s okay. My parents already had theater tickets. If you don’t come I’ll just be sitting around by myself.” He had actually planned to call some friends from high school, but he hadn't gotten to it yet.

Loki smiled shyly. “I'd like that,” he said.

*****

Thor wasn't really sure how he spent the day, aside from a flurry of nervousness far more suited to a teenage boy than to a grown man, but he couldn't help it. Loki was being nice and he was coming over at seven thirty, and they were going to make dinner together. It hardly seemed real.

He did _not_ try on multiple outfits before deciding what to wear, because he didn’t do things like that. He might have held various things in front of himself as he looked at the mirror, but that was entirely different.

Before he knew it, the doorbell was ringing. He opened the door to find Loki standing there with a bottle of wine and grocery bags at his feet.  
  
"Hi," Loki said, holding out the bottle. "I just bought this because of the label. I hope it's good."

Thor took it. It had a picture of three monkeys, the first covering its ears, the second its eyes, and the last its mouth. Above them was scrolled _Pinot Evil_. 

"Really?" Thor said, looking up to find Loki smiling more broadly than he'd ever seen before.

"I couldn't help myself," he said. "We don't have to drink it."

"No. No, I think we do," Thor said. "Come on in." He picked up half the bags and Loki followed him to the kitchen. "So, what are we making?" he asked.

Loki rifled through the bags as he answered, setting out the relevant ingredients as he spoke. "Sweet potato bisque, baby arugula salad, cheese fondue, and bananas foster," he said.

Thor blinked as he stared at the heaps of food. "This is for us and what army?" he asked.

"So there'll be leftovers. I haven't gotten to cook anything beyond microwave oatmeal in nearly four months. Why don't you pour that," he said, nodding at the wine, "and we'll have it while we cook. I brought something else for pairing."

Thor opened and poured it as Loki made himself at home browsing through drawers until he found a vegetable peeler and got started on the potatoes. Thor couldn't say he'd never seen Loki so content before - when he was playing, he seemed equally so - but it was by far the most relaxed Thor had seen him when he could also talk. It was nice. Like maybe they really were starting to become friends.

Make that nice and really, really confusing.

He felt his own nerves slowly fading as Loki chattered happily about such seemingly mundane things as white versus yellow onions, or the use of corn starch in making fondue cook properly. Everything smelled heavenly, and he discovered, when they sat down to eat at the battered family table, it was. The soup was like velvet on Thor's tongue, savory and lightly sweet, with gingered pumpkin seeds sprinkled on top for texture and bright sparks of heat. The salad was peppery, with a light hazelnut dressing and pomegranate seeds scattered across it. The fondue was nutty and rich with faint hints of cherry, and it was only with a force of will that Thor managed to eat dessert. But what a dessert it was, the bananas cooked to perfection and the flaming presentation a delight.

Loki seemed a little less relaxed once they were facing each other, rather than working side-by-side. He tended to talk to the table more than to Thor, and Thor's compliments on the food were met with a gentle huff of laughter and a glance away. Still, it was an enjoyable evening.

They finally sat back from the table with matching sighs of contentment, eyes dancing over the wreckage they'd made of the food.

"I think I need to impose a little longer, Thor," Loki said. "I didn't really think we'd put away two whole bottles. I'd like to wait a while before I drive."  
  
"Sure, of course," Thor said quickly. A moment later, he realized he had no idea what to do to entertain his guest. Did Loki play cards? Chess? Then it hit him. A good idea and a way to make Loki laugh again. "Do you want to watch a movie? I've actually never seen Black Sunday," he said, hoping it wasn't a stupid thing to admit.  
  
And _that_ made Loki laugh at him, all right. "How long have you been with us now?" he teased. "And you've never seen the movie that gave us our name."

"I know, it's terrible. Should we see if it's on Netflix?"

It was, streaming. Thor quickly connected it to the TV and they settled onto his parent's creaky leather sofa to watch, feet resting on the coffee table. They didn't talk as they watched it, though Loki did seem to be mouthing along with most of the lines. It was nice. Companionable.

"I really liked that," Thor said as the end credits rolled, kicking himself as he spoke. Could he have come up with a more inane comment if he'd tried? But Loki didn't seem to notice.

"One of my favorites," he said. "Isn't Barbara Steele just incredible? She hated how she got shoehorned into horror movies, but she's so perfect."  
  
"Yeah, she was. I've never seen her in anything before."

Loki smiled and stretched. "I guess I should get going," he said, looking at the clock.

Thor nodded. "Thanks for dinner," he said, adding with a flare of nerves, "even if I didn't get to try your grilled cheese sandwiches."

Loki looked over at him, surprised. "You want me to make you grilled cheese? Okay," he said.

"It's okay, you don't have to," Thor assured him, at least twice as surprised as Loki seemed to be. "I know you want to be at the hospital with your dad."  
  
"Actually, he's only allowed one visitor at a time. I've been getting there in the morning to say hello, and then I leave so my mom can sit with him. I go see him at the end of visiting hours, but the whole middle of the day I'm just sitting around in my hotel, or going for a walk or something."

The same time Thor's family and friends were all at work, and he was alone, too. "Oh. Lunch, then?"

Loki grinned. "Is tomorrow good?"

"It sounds great."

And that was the comment that determined the rest of their days before returning to the tour. The pattern settled quickly. Loki would show up around lunchtime with a bag of groceries, cook something amazing, and then they'd eat and watch a horror movie or two. Not just things with Steele, though Loki adored her - they also watched other films by Mario Bava, before moving on to Dario Argento. Each day was a little better - a little friendlier, a little more relaxed.

One morning, Thor looked out the window and the trees had seemed to have all changed color overnight. Loki noticed too.

"Did you see all the red out there?" he asked as he walked in.

"It's beautiful," Thor agreed.

"Do you want to go for a walk after we eat?"

Thor smiled. "Sure."

Loki put a pot on the back burner and sprinkled something into it, but wouldn't let Thor look. "It's a surprise," he said. "For later."  
  
When they'd finished eating, Loki dug out a couple lidded mugs and filled them. "Okay. This'll keep us warm while we're outside."

Thor took a cautious sip. Sweet, milky tea, rich with spices and lightly fragrant with roses. He smiled. "It's good." It was. It was exactly how Thor had always imagined Loki's kisses.

*****

By the last few days, when they chatted over lunch, Loki talked directly to Thor, rather than to his plate. It was on the last day before they returned to the tour that he worked up the nerve to ask a question that had been flitting through his head for several weeks now.

"What was that pancake thing?" Thor asked.

Loki burst into laughter. "That's what I do with groupies. I put pancakes on their heads and read them old NASA memos."  
  
"...why?"

"Because if they tell, who would ever believe them?"

"And you don't sleep with them? Any of them?"

Loki shook his head no.

"Uh-huh. Why?"

"The record company decided that _Loki_ _sleeps with everything that moves_  made for better publicity than _Loki is uninterested in casual sex,_ " he answered dryly.

"They don't mind? The people I bring you, I mean?"

He shrugged. "Oh, they probably do, at the time. But really, if I slept with even half them, I'd be spreading all sorts of diseases. And once they're over their crushes, the memory will entertain them the rest of their lives. Imagine being in a retirement home and thinking about the time you went home with a rock star, only to have him cover you in breakfast food?"

Thor laughed at that, because he couldn't help it, but his mind was on something else Loki had said. _Uninterested in casual sex_. He couldn't decide whether to be happy - because he was realizing that he _definitely_ wanted more than just a quick fuck - or let down, wondering how much more this reduced his chances. Not that he had much chance anyway.

Not that he had any chances at _all_ , not if he couldn't work up the guts to say something. That was seeming even harder now that they were becoming friends, though. At some point in he'd realized that he liked just being around Loki, and he dreading the thought of ruining that with an unwelcome word. He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment he had come to realize Loki's unpleasantness was a guard for painful shyness, but after breaking through it, Thor was acutely aware of how fragile a thing Loki's friendship was.

They had eight days of that, eight precious days that Thor guarded like jewels in his memory. And then it was time to pack and get a flight to where the tour bus waited for them.

Fandral had booked their seats together. It was the second time Thor had ever flown first class, and the first time he had ever wished he was in coach. Generally, coach flights were an agony of trying to keep his muscles from spilling into others' personal space and failing miserably. But oh, what wouldn't he have given to pass these three hours with his arm pressed against Loki's.

It turned out better than he'd hoped, though. Which is to say Loki fell asleep on Thor's shoulder almost instantly, meaning he got to soak up Loki's (admittedly limited) warmth, while still having a comfortable amount of personal space. Loki didn't wake until they were making the final descent.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to fall- _oh. Fuck_ , I'm sorry," he said as he first realized he'd been sleeping on Thor, and then noticed he had in fact been drooling on him.

"It's ok. You needed it," Thor said, trying not to grin like an idiot as Loki daubed at his shirt with a napkin.

"Yeah, I guess I did. Thanks," Loki said.

That was the exact moment when Thor gave up trying to convince himself that he hadn't fallen head over heels. No one would be that happy about getting drooling on if they weren't in love.

Fandral had put them on an early flight, in case of delays, so Loki had a good chunk of the day to sleep. Thor got a few more hours, as well, before he had to go do the soundcheck. When they all got together in the green room, Thor had vaguely hoped that Loki might pay him more attention than before, but everyone had so many questions for him, and he was so happy to see his bandmates, that it all went far more back to normal than Thor would have liked. But he couldn't complain. He'd enjoyed what time they had together, and he knew he had no claim to more.

More turned out to be what he got, though, that night. He'd stretched out on his bed, the remote in one hand and a beer in the other, when there was a knock at the door. It was Loki.

"Hi. I got tired of reading memos," he said.

Thor looked at him. "Are they still in your room?"

Loki nodded. "Extra sticky," he said, before they both started laughing.

"Come in," Thor said, holding the door open.

And that quickly became their new normal, Loki appearing each night to sit and talk for a while before returning to his room and releasing what they had taken to calling his pancake hostages. He was growing more relaxed with Thor, too, barely ever looking at the floor when they talked anymore.

"So, I saw some clips with you playing," Loki said one night as he sank back on the loveseat. "I knew you'd be good."

"You think? I know people were really disappointed you weren't there."

"They'd have been more disappointed if the show had been cancelled. And yes, you _were_ good."

"Thanks," Thor said, desperately hoping that the warmth he felt in his cheeks wasn't visible.

"You were so _dressed_ , though. I mean, just look at your arms, you've got to be completely ripped under there," Loki said playfully.

Thor swallowed hard and didn't answer.

"I'm sorry," Loki said hesitantly. "I didn't mean to offend you. You're in really good shape, is all."

"No, it's okay. It's... I _am_ ripped. I was in a car accident when I was little. The car next to us hit some black ice and smashed into us, and ripped me up. Basically everything under my shirt is a mess of scars."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," Loki said. "I had no idea. Do you remember it?"

Thor nodded. "I was eight."

"Shit... is that why your sister went into medicine?"

"Yeah. She was on the other side of the car, and came out of it with a few scratches, but I was in the hospital for three months because they messed up my care. That was what made her decide to be a doctor. I was at Highland, too."

Loki winced in compassion. "But she chose neurotrauma instead of emergency medicine?"

"That's what she was focusing on first, but it's sort of a specialty within emergency, and she got really interested in how brains work."

"Yeah, brains really are cool. I read this article last week..."

It wasn't until he woke up the next morning that Thor realized how considerately Loki had shifted their conversation into less painful territory.  
  
*****

As their friendship continued to grow deeper, Thor found himself wrestling with when he should tell Loki about his feelings. He _definitely_ didn't want to be one of those creeps who sits around, waiting for people to fall in love with them just because they managed to be reasonably pleasant. Not that there was any chance Loki would fall for him. But it felt dishonest to say nothing. At the same time, he didn't want to ruin what they already had.

It was a quandary.

Should he say _love_ or would that be even creepier? Attracted? Yes, attracted. That was honest without being too pushy. And God knows Loki was used to people being attracted to him, maybe it wouldn't faze him.

One day, almost a month after the tour had restarted, he screwed up his courage as he and Loki walked through the final soundcheck. "I hope this isn't too weird. I don't want it to ruin our friendship," he said. "But I need to be honest with you. I'm... attracted to you. Really attracted. I hope that's not a problem."

Loki smiled as he stared shyly at the ground. "It's not," he said softly. Then, even quieter, "I'm in love with you."

That was definitely _not_ what Thor had expected. " _Me_? Why?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Loki looked at him. "I don't open up to people easily. You may have realized that," he said wryly. "I want... more than just something physical. That's difficult for me to find."

"And now you have?" Thor's voice was cautious.

"Now I have," Loki answered. His next words came hesitantly, as though he were afraid of the answer. "Have you?"

Thor couldn't help laughing. "I have. I never dreamt I would."

Loki slipped his hand gently into Thor's. "Then, when you come to my room after the show tonight... don't bring anyone."

Not for the first time, the show went like a dream, but it was by far the best version of it Thor had seen. Loki kept sending quiet smiles into the wings where Thor stood watching, and when Thor came out to help him switch basses, Loki touched his hand lightly.

And for the second time ever - not since that fateful phone call - when he knocked that night, he was alone.

"Thor," Loki said as he opened the door. He was backlit, so that Thor couldn't see his face, but he could hear the smile in his voice.

"Hi," he said.

Loki held the door wide in welcome. "Come in."

Thor walked into the entryway and Loki closed the door behind him. "I... I haven't done this in a while," Loki admitted, taking his hand.  
  
"Me either," said Thor. Not in a long, _long_ while, not since he had stopped being willing to content himself with half-drunken fumblings in the dark. And that had lost its appeal long since.

"Do you want a beer or something? I can call room service..." Loki trailed off.

"No," said Thor. "I want to remember. Everything."

"Okay. Um, I can put on the coffee?"

" _I_ don't get to sleep through your soundcheck," Thor answered.

"It's just this, then," Loki said, stepping closer.

Thor nodded. His heart was in his eyes as he answered. "That's all I've ever wanted."

And then Loki took another step, nearly filling the space between them, and kissed him gently. It was light and easy and so right Thor felt his heart might burst. His eyes fell shut, letting him focus on the softness of Loki's lips against his own, the faint spiciness that Loki always smelled like after a shower, the warmth of Loki's body so close to his own.

Thor shifted his head and took Loki's lower lip between his own, and Loki matched him, nuzzling at his upper lip. One tiny step and they were pressed together, each one luxuriating in the feel of the other. Loki's arms wrapped around his waist, and Thor matched him. They stood together, kissing, lips parting and tongues sliding lightly past. Thor had no idea how long they stayed like that before Loki started to slide Thor's shirt up, stopping when he felt Thor stiffen.

"Do you mind if we turn the lights out?" Thor asked.

Loki looked at him. "Your scars?" At Thor's pained nod, he raised one hand to cup his bristly cheek. "Do you really think so little of me?" he asked sadly.  
  
"Of y- _No_! But-"

The hand moved from his cheek to cover his mouth. "Then trust me." _Please_ , his eyes begged.

Thor nodded reluctantly and looked away as Loki slid his shirt up and over his head, tossing it casually onto the floor. Better not to watch, not to see Loki's reaction.

And then... he _felt_ Loki's reaction. Gentle, cool lips, gliding across his stomach. He turned his face back to find Loki on his knees, kissing every inch of hideous, disfiguring scar.

"Idiot," Loki said fondly. "To think I'd see these as anything other than a testament to your survival."

Thor shifted uncomfortably.

"Really," Loki added, sitting back on his heels to look up at Thor's face, "you should either learn to accept them, or you should find a good tattoo artist. There's some great ones that specialize in hiding scars. There's no sense in going your whole life feeling like this."

"Tattoos won't make them feel any smoother," Thor said.

"Which is why my vote is for option A, but it's your body. I just wish I could make you see what I see, when I look at you."

"What's that?"

"Come to bed," Loki said, rising to his feet. "Let me show you."

For all the times Thor had lain awake, imagining himself naked with Loki and kissing every inch of him, he had never once pictured it being _his_ skin that was so thoroughly loved. And that was exactly what Loki was doing. Thor could feel his heart in every tender press of his lips, and nothing had ever been sweeter. Loki went over him with fingers and lips until every nerve was alive and singing. And that was only after he had undressed Thor with languid care and let Thor remove his clothes with the same gentleness.

_Please don't,_  Thor had murmured as Loki kissed down his stomach.

Loki had sat up and met his eyes. _I'll stop if you don't like it,_  he had said. _But let me ask a favor in return_. At Thor's nod, he had continued. _Please only ask me to stop if you don't like something, not if you assume I won't._

_It's just... hard to believe someone really wants me, despite this_ , Thor had said as he gestured to his torso.

_I really want you including this_ , Loki had corrected. And when he continued, kissing and licking and touching his slow path down, Thor did not object again.  
"Please," Thor said finally, pressing lightly on Loki's shoulder.

Loki nodded and lay back, watching with level eyes as Thor rose up over him.

And this, _this_ was what Thor had dreamt of doing. He could feel Loki's long, lean muscles shifting beneath his smooth skin as he touched everywhere, kissed everything. He had started at the top, working his way down Loki's face, his lips as light as butterflies across his eyelids, hungry and demanding on the pulse that thudded in this throat. By the time he reached Loki's smooth chest, he could feel his heart racing beneath his lips.

Loki stopped him just as he was almost to his cock, though. It lay thick and heavy on his belly, the tip glistening with clear fluid, the skin taut and reddened, and Thor wanted it. He wanted to dip his tongue into the beads that dripped from it, to know its taste. He wanted to take it between his lips, to know its feel. He wanted to lick and suck, to know the sounds it could draw forth. So when Loki stopped him, he made a faint sound of protest.

"I don't want to finish too soon," Loki said. "I promise, I won't always stop you. But I want this first time to be together."

Thor nodded. He could hardly argue with such a sentiment.

"Come up here," Loki whispered, rolling to his side. Thor lay down facing him, sharing his pillow.

Loki's hands worked their way back down as his lips claimed Thor's. His fingertips ghosted across Thor's cock, running along the edge of the head, teasing at the delicate tissues and smiling at the way it made Thor gasp the air straight from Loki's lungs, before taking a firmer hold.

Thor matched him, swirling his fingers down to Loki's cock and finally exploring it, spreading the shining liquid across the head and twisting his palm lightly in circles against the tip, before curling his fingers around the shaft.

Loki spoke again, just as they started to move their hands in unison. "Please stop for a moment, if it feels like I may come without you. It _has_ been a very long time," he said hesitantly.

When Thor saw the blush playing across his cheeks, he leaned forward and kissed him. "I promise," he said. "You, too."

And then their hands were working together, each twisting, stroking glide a taste of bliss as they coaxed each other higher. Loki was right, Thor quickly realized, to draw forth their first pleasure like this. It lurked just beneath his skin, urgent and demanding. Far too hurried for what he wanted when Loki took him for the first time. It was clear, too, that that was how it would be, though it was unspoken. Something in the feel of Loki's hands upon him, perhaps, or in the tone of Thor's voice.

Thor opened his eyes to look at Loki. His eyes were sweetly shut, his long black lashes fluttering against his still-pink cheeks, his lips just parted. His soft little noises matched Thor's own, and Thor wondered if Loki felt as he did, more fully alive than he could even begin to comprehend, like he could feel every drop of blood singing as it churned through his pounding heart. Loki's fingertips were slightly rough from the strings, but his palms were so soft. Thor could have silk against him instead of skin and he wouldn't have been able to feel the difference. The calluses were just slightly painful, and Thor loved it, the contrast in sensations as Loki stroked him, each careful twist and greedy tug more delicious than the last.

Neither of them lasted long, and neither cared, not when their bodies came together like mirror images, all their differences of size and shape and shade fallen away before the sameness of cries and care and completion.

Loki's eyes opened just enough to meet Thor's, and the smile that graced his thin lips was... heartbreaking, heartbursting. In it Thor read all the loneliness that was now ended, all the happiness that was to come. Their lives after today wouldn't be perfect, but they would be _good_ , and they would be good _together_ , and that was more than enough.

"I love you," Thor told him.

Loki's smile widened. "I'm glad. You hadn't actually said, before."

"Didn't I? I meant to."

Loki gave a soft hum. "When did you know?" he asked.

Thor slumped onto his back, laughing. "When you drooled on me on the airplane," he said.

"How romantic," Loki said. His laughter was as rich as molten chocolate. Thor could have drowned in it. Such sweet dark quicksand, no one would ever struggle.

Loki shifted up onto one elbow and with a hooked finger scooped Thor's cooling spend off his stomach, dropping it onto Thor's belly where his own lay puddled. He swirled his finger lazily and held it to Thor's lips.

Thor opened his mouth and took it. He'd tasted his own before, in darkened rooms, with closed eyes, pretending he wasn't alone. Mixed with Loki's it was milder, sweeter. He swirled his tongue around Loki's finger and gave it a quick suck before he let it go. Loki continued, feeding him more until he was clean, nothing more than a slick shine to mark where he had been covered.

"When did you know you loved me?" Thor asked.

Loki thought a moment. "That day when we went for a walk, after the trees had turned. We passed some people going the other way on the sidewalk, and I stepped behind you to make room, and I watched you kick a pile of leaves, and I knew."

Thor grinned up at him. "Because I kicked some leaves?"

"Better than being drooled on," Loki teased.

"You've got me there," Thor admitted.

"Yup. I do. You might as well get used to it now, me being right." Loki settled to his side and draped a lazy arm across Thor's waist.

Thor snorted. "And _no_ arrogance at all."

Loki shrugged. "Rock star."

"Mmm-hmm. You looked gorgeous on stage tonight."

"Yeah, I noticed you like that shirt on me," Loki said, his lips quirking.

"That's because of how little there is to it. But I like it better off," Thor said, shifting to face him.

Thor ran his hand up Loki's side, his fingers slotting between the delicate ribs, letting his thumb brush against the taut nipple. Twice more and Loki's cock was stirring again, not erect yet but thickening where it lay against his leg. They stayed on their sides as Thor began to move, nestling his face in Loki's throat and laving at the fluttering pulse. Loki gave a low hum of pleasure.

This time, when Thor licked his way downwards, long curling esses that resulted in the most delectable sounds filling the room, Loki allowed what he had previously denied. Thor started at the base, pressing his lips to the thick length right where it began to disappear into dark curls. This close, Thor could smell the soft musk that nestled here, pleasantly feral and with a hint of ice and grapes that was strange but lovely. He buried his nose a moment, taking it in, before kissing his way up to the reddened head. He licked first at the tiny delicate folds around the edge, flicking at the frenulum with the pointed tip of his tongue, before giving way to desire and tasting the sparkling drops that shone as they beaded and fell.

It felt odd to take Loki into his mouth at this angle, but Thor had never been able to go very far down anyway, and he quickly discovered how much he liked being able to rest his head and use his hand to press gently on Loki's ass, coaxing him to fuck his mouth at Thor's own speed. And it let him watch the shifting muscles and luscious undulations as Loki's hips rocked forward to meet him. More fluid coated Thor's tongue, salty and tangy and he swallowed it down, and at the slight tug Loki made a sound that Thor wanted to wallow in. He wanted to make it into clothing and never wear anything else.

Thor didn't really have that long before his jaw began to ache. He wasn't used to doing this, and, well, nature had been quite gracious in bestowing Loki his particular endowments, so it was with gratitude, as well as a flare of anticipation, that Thor received Loki's tug on his arm, pulling him back up the bed.

"Lay back," Loki said, twisting around to reach for a bottle Thor hadn't noticed. Anticipation gave way to nerves, with his heart thudding in his chest like it was trying to escape. _This_ , in particular, had been especially long ago, and what had felt thick on his tongue he knew would feel massive elsewhere.  
  
His nervousness tripled when Loki put the bottle in his hand. "May I watch?" he asked.

Thor took it and nodded. It felt strange and more than a little uncomfortable to work himself open before another's eyes, but it grew easier as Loki's eyes darkened. Easier still when Loki began to stroke his own cock lightly as he watched. His chest was heaving by the time Thor nodded to him, and _that_ , that was good, to see the effect Thor had on him. Delicious. Electric.

Loki slicked his cock quickly and rose up over Thor on hands and knees, gently nudging Thor's legs further up and apart.

"That's what I like to see," Loki said, smiling down at him. "Are you ready?"

Thor could feel his heart trying to beat free from his chest as he nodded, and when Loki pressed the tip of his cock to Thor's entrance, he forgot how to breathe. No heart, no air... he was just beginning to wonder if he'd survive this encounter when Loki began to push, and he forgot _everything_. The head was thick and flared, and Thor bit his lip, concentrating on keeping himself relaxed and welcoming, as the stretch moved slowly deeper and tighter before easing with a sudden soft _pop_.

Loki pressed inward, inch by slow inch, giving Thor time to adjust each time the thick head barreled deeper. When he was fully in, letting their bodies rest together, Thor gave a stifled sob. This felt like... like perfect silhouettes and grinding bass, like wine bought for the silly label and old movies and blazing trees and _love_ , it felt like love, _love, love, love_  and Thor didn't even realize he was saying it out loud until Loki began to rain kisses down on his face and whisper, _I know, I know_.

Loki finished with one long kiss to his forehead before easing back out, smiling at Thor's whimper of loss. He held still with just the head of his cock pressed to Thor's entrance. Thor could feel his muscles fluttering around it, and Loki's face was written with tension and eagerness. He teased them both for far too long before sliding back in with a groan, full and smooth, before repeating the whole thing over and over, until Thor was writhing helplessly beneath him, only his hips held still and welcoming.

"Please, Loki," Thor groaned. "I can't..."

And that - finally - set Loki off. All his restraint, all his self-denial vanished at Thor's words and he began to fuck, to really fuck, pulling Thor's hips upwards so that he could drive straight down, and Thor was moaning and babbling and begging as his head thrashed on the pillow. With every thrust, Loki stroked against a coil of nerves that sent lightning straight up his spine and deep into his core, the tension tightening and twisting and threatening to explode. He was so close, he just needed that tiniest little bit more... Loki caught his wrist as he reached for his cock, and pinned it next to his head.

"Not yet," he said, his words rough and panting.

Thor opened his mouth to protest, but closed it when he looked at Loki's face. It was flushed and damp, with tendrils of messy curls clinging to it and his brow knotted in concentration. Intensity burned in his eyes as they met Thor's, and he nodded, letting his arm relax into the pillow. His free hand came up to curl around Loki's side, taking in the feel of long muscles working beneath smooth skin.

He tried to force his breathing into some semblance of evenness as he focused on what little he could control - he could cant upwards, a little, to meet Loki's thrusts; he could wrap his legs around Loki's back, and pull him closer; and he could _squeeze_ , and if the extra tightness from that did half as much to Loki as it did to him, he'd finally be given the climax that hovered so close and yet unattainable, like an apple on a branch just too high.

Thor was so intent on it that he barely processed how Loki was beginning to shake above him, his thrusts coming rough and erratic, until Loki's hand was on his cock, just as stuttering as his hips but that didn't matter, it was too good for that to matter, and Thor gave a cry as his body curled in on itself, shuddering and tensing with each flare of blinding white that filled his vision as everything fell away and there was only this, them together, Loki inside him and above him and around him and together they were the universe in the moment it exploded into creation.

When Thor fell back at last, still trembling, Loki followed him down and let his head fall to the pillow next to Thor's. He pulled out carefully and Thor uncurled himself down to the bed before Loki collapsed fully on top of him. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki's back and kissed him.

"That was wonderful," he mumbled, lazy.

Loki raised his head to look at him. " _Was_?" His lips quirked. "Oh, Thor. This is just the beginning."

**Author's Note:**

> 'Body image issues' tag - Thor was in a very bad car accident when he was little, and it left his torso a mass of scars. Some of the language used to describe them reflects his negative feelings about them and their impact on his self-image as a whole, rather than describing them neutrally. Over the course of the story, he gets reactions from two other people, one of whom confirms his feelings and one of whom disagrees.


End file.
